"We do not always know the reasons for what God does and doesn't do, but in the end we'll see that He was always right!" ~Author Unknown
If you read my previous six blogs on "Surrender", you may be thinking it sounds too good to be true. All I know is that I was made well ~ in a heartbeat ~ my hip was made whole.
I wasn't prepared for the new type of pain that awaited me when I got home. Gone was the physical pain, and in its place came an emotional pain that was totally unexpected. First of all, I was in a state of shock, and I remember feeling so very unworthy. It was almost too much to bear. I also had the reactions of other people to deal with. Some embraced my news with wonder and awe and celebration. Others coudn't accept it so graciously. Some pulled away from me; others wore their doubts on their sleeves, trying to humor me. I finally got to the point where I had to let it go...how people reacted wasn't my responsibility, and I couldn't let it injure me anymore.
That aside, the whole experience was very humbling for me. Again, I felt so unworthy of this gift. Why me?? Why didn't God heal the two people we knew who were battling terminal cancer? Over time I came to learn that God has a different plan for each one of us. This was His plan for me. I may never know all of the whys. That's okay.
This experience has impacted me in so many ways. It's given me hope in many dark hours ~ remembering if God can do this, He can do anything. If He loves me this much, He loves all this much. It's made me keenly aware of His presence, every hour of everyday. It's helped me to have a stronger prayer life, and given me determination to never give up on anyone.
It has taught me to be open. There is so much about God we don't understand, but if we have a teachable spirit, He shows us things that will blow us away. It's taught me to keep my attitude in check. Either I can respect and learn from trials, or I can allow them to consume me. My choice.
It's taught me to be sensitive to other people's journeys. We don't know what they are going through unless we've lived it ourselves. I've learned that playing the comparison game never pays off for either player. God's path for each of us is unique.
I've learned that there's a purpose in everything ~ even if I never see what it is! Just knowing this enables me to embrace my own journey and respect the journeys of those around me.
I still don't know why God healed me, why this was His plan for me. I know that not everyone who prays for healing receives it. But I do believe that we can all be made whole.
Bottom line ~ I am just an ordinary person with an extraordinary God! I don't have all the answers to so many questions, but I know the One who does...for me, that is enough.
"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will run and not be faint."