Friday, November 9, 2012

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

It was just her in the room now. The intrusiveness of the bright lights overhead caused her to feel exposed. She wanted nothing more than to escape the reality of what had happened on that table moments ago. But the truth was sinking in. No door existed that could remove her from this new place of regret.

The doctor had reassured her. It was only tissue they'd removed. There would be plenty of opportunities to begin a family. She was wise to wait until she was older, more mature, married, financially stable. It was the right decision.

Then why did it feel so wrong? Why was she mumbling apologies through a rush of tears to a container on the floor? Only tissue. Isn't that how her life had begun?

This was supposed to bring an end to a bad situation. But now she was realizing, this was only the beginning. A new nightmare was unfolding. There was nothing she could do to stop it.

Regret. Grief. Shame. Emptiness. These were her new companions. And as they introduced themselves to her, a darkness penetrated her spirit that no bright light in a doctor's office could penetrate.

The nurse returned and rested her hand on the girl's shoulder. "You can get up and get dressed. You'll be a little crampy. Here's a prescription that will help." She placed a piece of paper in the trembling palm of the girl's hand.

Once again, she found herself alone. She sat up slowly, oblivious to the physical discomfort the nurse had spoken of. There was a new pain to contend with. It reached far beyond her womb. And no medication was going to ease it.

She shed the gown they'd given her to wear, and slowly dressed herself. She tried to be mindful of the simple act of putting on her clothes. She wanted nothing more than to drown out the words that kept replaying in her mind. WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

A soft tapping at the door temporarily interrupted the chanting in her spirit. "Come in," the girl said, trying to choke back her sobs.

Her friend's face spoke volumes. She knew. She'd been on that table herself. "Are you okay? They said you can go."

She nodded yes, but every fiber of her being was screaming no. No, I am not okay. No, I cannot go back to life as I once knew it. No, nothing will ever be the same.

She made it to the door, then paused. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

My heart aches for every woman who has had this experience. Women walk this path everyday. Some are young girls overwhelmed by an unexpected pregnancy. For others, it's a matter of convenience, finances, timing. Some are trying to cope with the trauma of rape or abuse that led them to this place. And some women have had to make the heart-wrenching decision to preserve their own health and life, knowing the high risk they face if they proceed with the pregnancy. There is no perfect scenario. All are tragic. And all leave scars.

And the babies? There simply aren't words. Heaven is surely full of these young lives. May God forgive us, and may He have mercy on this nation that treats the sanctity of life so casually.

If you are struggling with the aftermath of abortion, there is hope and healing. I encourage you to find a godly counselor who can walk this path with you, and help you find wholeness again. My prayers are with you!

"I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born."
~Ronald Reagan

"Only half the patients who go into an abortion clinic come out alive."
~Author Unknown

"If it isn't a baby, then you aren't pregnant, so what are you aborting?"
~Author Unknown

"You are the one who put me together inside my mother's body...with your own eyes you saw me being formed. Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything about me."
~Psalm 139:13, 16    

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