Friday, January 11, 2013

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

"Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow."
~Philip Gulley

I hear the wind howling outside, bullying the trees and all that stands in its path. And I worry. It's something I'm good at. I've had a lot of practice. Worrying about loved ones. Worrying about finances. And health issues. And the future.

Worry is one more confirmation I'm not yet trusting God completely... unconditionally. My waves of worry are just manifestations of my doubts that He is in control and will take care of all that concerns us.

It's hard not to worry right now...tonight. As I think of watching my husband, tired and achy from too much physical labor, heading out the door in the early morning frosted hours to deal with yet another windstorm. The winds that shake our hundred year old bungalow this evening didn't seem to faze him. That scared me, because I knew he was too tired to even react to that dreaded sound.

I worry because I often see him sitting at his desk, trying to make the numbers add up. All of his hard work, and still, they don't equal enough. He sighs in discouragement, and I want so badly to fix it for him. And I worry all the more, because I know I can't.

I think back on all the unexpected expenses over the years that have led us to this place. Health issues we couldn't foresee. A host of other incidentals that have drained our resources. I see all of them etched into his brow, and I worry. And I think, he's too good a man to have done it any differently.

I know all the cliches about worrying. Glenn Turner said it best, "Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." I know this to be true. But still, my heart and my mind team up and do what they do best ~ worry.

Another late night has me sleepless and burdened. The howling winds outside, the chill air in our old home, and a list of worries are my companion. I hear my husband stirring in the other room and realize, he's restless too. And burdened. And worried.

Perhaps it's cyclical. The ebb and flow of life bringing days that are packed full of joy, and nights that are harsh and unnerving. The winds pick up in intensity and so does my inner struggle with these beasts of burden ~ worry, doubt, fear.

Holy Spirit, breathe your presence into this home, into this heart. Help me to trust that, with you, all will be okay. Empower me to release my every care into your all powerful hands. I give you my husband, Lord. And every area where we are lacking, coming up short. And though I can't sleep, I choose to rest in you.

Calm the winds, Lord. Calm our spirits.

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy."
~Leo Buscaglia

"Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway."
~Mary C. Crowley

"I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about."
~Henry Ford

"Don't fight with the pillow,
but lay down your head
And kick every worriment
out of the bed."
~Edmund Vance Cooke

""When I am afraid, O LORD Almighty, I put my trust in you."
~Psalm 56:3

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"~Luke 12:25

"Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid."
~John 14:27         

    

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