Tuesday, June 9, 2015


I am navigating through rough waters, Lord. But I know You are here in the midst of the rise and fall of each wave. And a fear response is really just a call to plant my eyes more steadfastly on You, my Lighthouse, my beacon.

Waves of doubt. What if my vulnerability backfires? What if I misheard this call to share? What if family and friends walk away instead of pausing to listen, really listen? I give you my doubts, Lord. Though they are many, like grains of sand on the shore.

Waves of emotion. Talking about this ~ sharing such deeply personal experiences ~ it churns up feelings I'd rather not revisit. But feelings aren't bad. They don't have to play out in a destructive manner. I'm riding the waves of these emotions, Lord. Knowing you are here and have felt them, too.

Waves of humility. I know, we are called to be humble, but being humbled hurts! Oh, how it smarts! Yet I know if I want to be used by You, it's a major stepping stone to getting there. I cling to You Lord, as I bare my soul and embrace the humility.

Waves of loss. Lord, I know what this means. There are people who will vanish from my radar. Some will simply pull away, avoid, and write me off ~ because of THIS. It's funny. Yes, it hurts. But in a good way! In a freeing way. I no longer need to try to please or impress ANYONE. Except You.

Waves of criticism. Those who don't walk away, but still feel the need to counter my experience with their own thoughts on the matter, it's hard! Who likes to be criticized? Lord, will you please keep my heart soft and tender to those You choose to speak through. And the rest, will You please silence their lips or put a covering over my ears and my heart? How I plead this for my son, too, and for my entire family!

Waves of unknowns. Where is this riptide taking us? What does the future hold? How will You use this? All of these I release into Your powerful hands. Today, and all the tomorrows, they are in Your hands, for You to write.

Waves of surrender. Ah, yes, blissful surrender. Letting the currents move me as they will. I don't have to fight it, don't want to anymore. Even when the waves come crashing down, I'm drowning in You and Your presence. This is sweet surrender, life-changing trust.

I see, Lord. It's not really me navigating these rough waters. I'm just along for the ride. And the calm I feel inside, it's leagues above anything I have ever experienced.

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